and so it goes....

I'm doing okay.

Not great, but okay. I'm functional, I'm working.....and I've had some good times. I'm working on improving things. I have been stoned most of the time, but it largely it hasn't been terribly unpleasant.

Just images popping into my head. And oddly enough the one that hurts the most is the idea of her being the other woman. I thought she'd given that up. And one of her closest friends. I don't know how she was able to do that. She says she feels guilty....but it happened. And it happened for awhile.













I don't even want to look at that anymore. It's the part that hurts most. I don't really know why, since it has nothing to do with me.... I guess it just changes who she is. It makes me love her less. It means that she can't ever be the one for me. Even if all of this falls apart and we hit it off again.....knowing what she did....I don't know if I'll ever love her the same. And that hurts.



The second part to this is trying to come to grips with that. If she isn't the one (which she absolutely cannot be, now) then it shouldn't matter who she is with and what she does. She's not the love of my life, there is someone else out there for me. Better for me.

Part of me says this is great, this is what I need to move on, and to move on for good. But part of me never wants to let go.




This is a good thing. This needs to happen. Now I just need to convince myself of what I already know to be true.