I miss you, Tanya

Bullshit

I'm feeling like bullshit. Can't explain it better than that. This feeling IS bullshit. And it's not pleasant.



Lea is pissing me off again. She's gotta stop acting like a bitch if she wants me to take care of her cats.

Been talking to Karen a lot lately.

I don't know why I'm using fake names here. Incedentally, my name is Rob, although it actually isn't.

I miss her.
Ah, fuck it. Her name is Tanya. But my name is still Rob (although it actually isn't). Or just call me Weasel.

I been thinking a lot about her lately. I'm depressed and she always comforted me when I was, so that's no great surprise. Been thinking naughty things about her too. very naughty indeed. Well, THAT always comforted me too. AND HOW. It's actually quite a deadly cycle. It's nearly fucking impossible to stay away from that woman in those times. I've never felt anything else in my life as inticing.

So I'm seeing someone else (the aforementioned Laura, whose real name is Amanda). She's cool I guess.... she's funny, I enjoy spending time with her....but....... I dunno... is something missing? Or am I just unable to really feel right now?

I want to get fucked up

I miss her.....

Not the one I'm seeing now, things are going well with her I guess.

No, I miss the other one. The one I called a bitch awhile back. I miss her, and I miss who she was. I dunno, something changed in her, don't know where it came from.... but it really was rather sudden.
I was just looking at this short film that we made together. Never finished cutting it...... Fuck, just seeing her...... it hurt. I thought I was over her. I thought especially since I'm seeing someone new..... but it seems like I still got work to do. I still got 'over' to 'get'.


Fuck, but she's a goddamn cutie.

Maybe this is why I'm having troubles really being into this new girl. I think I called her "Laura" (although her real name is actually Amanda).